Another May 13th

 

     It was 3 years ago today, May 13, 2010, that I lost my mom. It was 47 years ago, May 13, 1966 that she lost her mother, my grandmother. May 13th, Mother's Day, they always come together and I remember that Mother's Day was always bittersweet for my mom. I get it now, I wish I could tell her that.

 

     In many ways it seems as if she has been gone forever and sometimes it seems as if those 3 months from a healthy, happy mom to losing her, just happened yesterday. I'm still using a bottle of her perfume and it hasn't been long enough that the bottle is empty yet. There are so many things I wish I could ask her and so much that I would love to tell her.

 

     She lost her mother very suddenly when she was 36, with 2 little girls at home to raise. She never faltered. I never saw her cry although my dad said that she did often. She was the type of woman who protected her children from seeing her pain. I was only 11, so I had no idea what she was going through. I lost her at 55. I cried every day for the first year and some days I thought I wouldn't survive without her here. I wasn't stoic like she was, I called my daughter in tears many times and she was there for me in ways that I only wish I could have been for my mom.  

 

     Mom absolutely lived for her grandkids. She would hate this picture...but, you can see the love as she held my son for the first time. She is younger in both of these pictures with my babies than I am now. From that moment on, they shared a very special bond.

 

My daughter, a vision in pink on the way home

 from the hospital, also captured her heart.

 

     In the 3 years she has been gone, there have been so many changes in our family. My sister has had two daughters get married, I have one engaged. She would have been so happy for our girls and as wonderful as these moments are...something is just missing without her there. Some of her 6 grands have really thrived in the past 3 years, others have struggled and her youngest...is now 17, driving, going to prom and growing into a beautiful young lady.

 

     Mom was our rock, the glue that held our family together. She was the one that we could talk to, who never minced words with us. When we spoke, she really listened and our kids had a respect for her opinions that they have never had for ours.

 

     Life does go on and it certainly has in our family. Some wonderful things have happened since she left us and some not so great. We have had to adjust to things that are painful and difficult and yet we have survived. My sister and I are closer than ever, my daughter has really tried to step up and fill the void left by my mom, even though I tell her it isn't her job to "mother" me. People say it gets easier, and it does. The pain is no longer acute. I no longer wake up crying in the night and when I think of mom, I smile. The missing her, never gets better. She is with me every day of my life...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

     So, is May 13th a day of sorrow for me? Not really. I don't miss her more today than any other day, every other day. Is it jinxed that her mother died on May 13th and so did my Mom? I could think that (and I probably wouldn't go sky-diving today), or I could remember what someone wise told me...it is a special day. It is the day my Mom got to see her Mom again, after a long separation. I think that is a much better way to think of it. Love you Mom.

 

Our last "3 generation" picture.

Once Upon A Time...

     Once upon a time in a land far away...well, okay it was about 25 miles away from where I sit now...a very young couple was married. The year was 1947, she was 18 and he was 20, and they were very much in love and beginning a new adventure. The adventure would take them to several homes, jobs, joys and problems and bless them with 2 daughters, 6 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren.

     On their 50th wedding anniversary, the did what was unusual for most, but typical for them. They treated their family to a few days at a beach house in Vero Beach, Florida. It was surprise when the printed invitations arrived in the mail months ahead of the trip. It was a surprise when they presented my sister and I with a gift for their wedding anniversary and it was a wild, crazy trip. I'd love to tell you that it all went perfectly, but it didn't. The youngest, my niece was a year old and never stopped screaming. My sister was stressed about it and it showed. I was angry at her for being so stressed out and the weather wouldn't work with us at all. We had a family picture taken in rain and terrible wind that made us all look like ghosts in the white shorts and t-shirts my mom made us all wear. The kids were 15, 14, 13, 12, 9 and 1. You can imagine the chaos and craziness, and yet we all look back on that trip and smile now. It was fun even if it was crazy. It created memories, funny stories and while it wasn't as blissful as my mom planned, she loved having all her "chicks" together. She always said we would do it again on their 65th anniversary.

     As my loyal readers know, my mom died 2 years ago just days before their 63rd wedding anniversary. Many things have changed since she died, in truth, everything has changed. However, my dad still wanted to take the trip that they planned for all of us and this was the year we returned to Vero Beach. We opted to stay at the Vero Beach Hotel and Spa rather than the resort where we stayed 15 years ago. Our kids no longer were of an age to all sleep all over the place and we could have two, 2-bedroom suites and make it work. We were missing 3 of the grandchildren, who couldn't get away from work, but my niece blessed us with a new son-in-law in the family. This trip was very different than 15 years ago. The weather was perfect. I think we got a fairly good picture (I don't have my copy yet) and we had a great time being together at such an amazing hotel.

    

Dad's bedroom

     My husband and I were the first to arrive and from the minute we pulled up, we were treated like royalty. Check-in was easy and within the first 24 hours we were being greeted by name when we walked in and out of the hotel. My husband, daughter and my dad shared one of the suites. The staff knew why we were there and within the first hour the concierge came to room to greet us and brought my dad a bottle of wine, a cheese and fruit platter and a lovely card. I thought it was so thoughtful because an anniversary celebration without mom was truly bittersweet for him.

Living room, fold-out sofa for my daughter, wet-bar.

     We were impressed when we first saw the hotel and entering our suites we were thrilled. The gentleman who brought up the bags was more than helpful. He told us about area shops, the best restaurants and arranged for us to have an extra mini-frig in the room. 

Our bedroom

Large bath, walk in shower and soaker tub

Look at the robes!

The view from our balcony

     I had to take a picture of the morning coffee service for all the bloggers reading this. I loved the way they labeled the cream, milk etc. How cute is that? They also had complinmentary water with oranges in it in both the lobby and at the pool. In the afternoon they would put out freshly baked cookies and at 5, wine, rum punch and an appetizer.

     The private beach was perfect. It was the first vacation I've had in a long time that we spent hours sitting on the beach and by the pool. Waiters appeared frequently to take drink orders, the restaurant at the pool had great food and snacks and the sun was shining all week. Perfect! The guys spent some time golfing and we had some girl time sipping cold drinks and catching up with our feet in the sand.

     The White Orchid Spa is part of the Vero Beach Hotel. I don't normally allow myself such a luxury, but my sister insisted we were getting massages and she informed me of what time I was going. Bliss. I didn't take any pictures inside the spa, but it was beautiful and so peaceful. My sister and my youngest niece (the one who cried the entire trip 15 years ago) each had wonderful massages. I also came home with one of the candles they had burning in the spa. It smells better than any I've ever had and makes my house smell amazing even when it isn't burning. It is Soy Delicious, Island Mango. If you can find it somewhere, buy it!

The pool area.

The water side of the hotel.

The firepit.

Outdoor Dining at Cobalt.

     We had two meals at the hotel's main restaurant, Cobalt. We had one dinner and one breakfast and both were excellent. We had snacks and the Sunday BBQ at the pool restaurant, Heaton's Bar and Grill. Again, the food was delicious. We also ate at a few other delicious places while in Vero Beach and I'll share some food pictures in a later post.



We also celebrated my dad's birthday at dinner one night.

                         

     We spent our days in the sun and our evenings, eating, visiting and watching old home movies. My dad was playing in the ocean on a boogie board the way he did when we were kids! It was fun, sun and family. The Vero Beach Hotel and Spa is my new favorite place. In fact I'm trying to figure out how to spend a couple of days there when we are in Orlando in December. It is truly hotel perfection...and I'm very picky.

     My dad made a toast to my mom and while it breaks my heart that she didn't get to be there with us, I have no doubt she was there in spirit. I think she would be proud of all of us for following through with her dream of this trip and of the way we have only tightened our family bonds without her. Cheers mom! You taught us well!

    

A Bittersweet Mother's Day

     It is Mother's Day, a day when we honor our mothers for all they have done for us. It is also May 13th. On May 13th, two years ago, my mom died. On May 13th, 46 years ago, her mother, my grandmother, died. So, May 13th is an strange day for me. At the beginning of the year as I put things on my calendar, I noticed that this anniversary date was falling on Mother's Day this year and I had a moment...but, now that it is here, it really doesn't matter much to me. I know for some people, holidays and anniversary dates are really hard and I expected that to be the case for me after I lost my mom. What I have realized, is that I miss her so much every day, that these anniversary dates and holidays can't make me miss her more than I already do. So, I choose not to spend the day feeling sad. I choose to count my blessings for the fact that I had a wonderful mother and that I am lucky enough to be a mother. Happy Mother's Day Mom, I wish you were here!

Heavenly Torte, Almost

     My mom had a recipe that she made often for special occasions, including Easter. She called it Heavenly Torte and it basically is a meringue base with whipping cream and strawberries on top. I have her recipe, but I'd never made it. I planned to make it for Easter dinner, but when I saw that I had to make it one day and let it sit overnight in the oven before assembly the next day, I decided to make a variation of the same dessert.

Almost Heavenly Torte

6 egg whites

1/2 tsp. cream of tarter

1 1/2 tsp. real vanilla

1 1/2 T. cornstarch

1 1/2 cups white sugar

pinch salt

1/2 pint whipping cream

Fresh (or frozen) Strawberries, sliced and slightly sweetened

Preheat oven to 275 degrees

Line baking sheet with parchment paper



Mix cornstarch with sugar and set aside.

     In mixing bowl, beat egg whites, cream of tarter and salt until soft peaks form. Gradually add the sugar/cornstarch mixture, adding the vanilla after all the sugar is added. Continue to beat on high until stiff, glossy peaks form (see above picture). I actually used a hand mixer with no problems. It took about 3-4 minutes of beating to reach stiff peaks.

     With a large spoon, drop "globs" of the meringue onto the parchment paper, using the back of the spoon make a slight dent in the top. I made 8 large meringues using this recipe. Reduce oven temperature to 250 degrees and place the baking sheet on the center rack of the oven. Bake 50-55 minutes until shells appear firm, but not brown. Remove from parchment paper carefully to wire rack to cool. They will keep in a ziploc bag for a few days. They are soft and sticky on the inside.

     To serve: Whip the cream until stiff, do not add sugar. I placed a meringue on the plate, topped with the whipping cream and another meringue...then covered with berries. You can also do a single layer, filling the impression in the center with the whipping cream and adding strawberries to get 8 servings rather than 4.

     It tasted just like mom's overnight recipe and

was a light, sweet ending to a large meal.

I am joining Michael @ Rattlebridge Farm for Foodie Friday

Please stop in to say hello!

This One Is For You Mom! Tablescape Thursday

     I wasn't looking forward to Christmas this year. Losing my mom in May changed everything in my life and I simply haven't been able to think about celebrating this holiday without her. My mom was Christmas in our family. She loved giving gifts. You couldn't get anywhere near the tree at our house because the presents spilled out way into the room. She looked all year for unique little things for all of us and she loved watching us open things and be surprised. It was always such a challenge to find things for her that would surprise her in the same way. I loved shopping for my mom.

     Between us, my sister and I have 6 kids. They are 28, 28, 27, 26, 22 and 14. You can tell from the ages that when they were small, we had a houseful of kids that were all about the same age. Mom would dress them in red pajamas, help them put out cookies and milk for Santa and delight in each and every one of them. It never changed as they grew up. Somehow, Santa still filled my stocking and my sister's, our husband's too and of course all those now big kids. When going through last years Christmas cards a couple of days ago, I found the one mom sent us last year..."See you in 15 days, can't wait"! What a difference a year makes. How do we have Christmas without the person who was our center...our drill sergeant...the heart of our family?

     We are going about Christmas in what is becoming the new normal for us. We won't all be together, but none of us will be alone. We are shaking things up in hopes that the focus can be on all of our blessings and not on an empty chair at the table. My mom would want that for us and we are all putting forth the best effort not to let her down. I'm sharing my Christmas table with you today because most of us will be too busy next week to be reading blogs. I had been looking for new Christmas dishes for a while and my heart just wasn't in it. I didn't feel "Christmassy" so nothing appealed to me at all...until I saw these dishes. My daughter and I were at HomeGoods in November and when we saw these, we both knew it was meant to be...it was a message about the holiday for us.

     The large charger plates and matching bowls are "Pottery by Santa". When I saw the word "Believe" I knew that I needed to remember the reason for the season as well as believe in Santa Claus. I set them slightly off center so you could read the words. They are layered with creamy Wedgewood dinner plates.

The table runner is cream with holly and berries (HomeGoods).

For the centerpiece, I used an antique cake stand sitting

in a berry wreath.  A Mercury Glass ball surrounded

by snow is the star of the table.

A vintage Santa stands guard.

Cream colored napkins are "garnished"

with a sprig of Christmas floral.

The sterling flatware was my grandmother's.

     A Willow Tree Angel (Thinking of You), one of the last gifts from my mom, is tucked in as a reminder that she is watching over us. Notice that she holds a seashell in her hand.

Lenox candlesticks with snowflake sparkles

add a cozy glow to the table.

Believe in what your heart is saying

Hear the melody that's playing

There's no time to waste

There's so much to celebrate

Believe in what you feel inside

And give your dreams the wings to fly

You have everything you need

If you just believe

Believe-Josh Groban

I am linking today to Susan @ Between Naps on the Porch for Tablescape Thursday

I know the tables this week will be amazing...take some time to visit her!

I Believe...

     I have always loved rainbows. This year, rainbows have taken on a new meaning for me. I seem to be seeing them much more often these days. Most of the time when I'm seeing them, there is no rain. I think of each one as a gift from my mom. On our recent trip we saw two unusual "bows". The first two pictures were taken while we were sitting on the beach. I was thrilled they showed up in the pictures. The sun was so bright, I couldn't see what I was getting in the lense. We could see the brilliant prism only with our sunglasses on. It was gorgeous...these pictures don't do it justice.

     The second two pictures were taken out the car window somewhere near Chattanooga, TN. Once again, no rain in sight on a hot fall day. There were actually two prisms of color, but from the car I could only get a picture of one of them. You may have to enlarge the pictures to see this one. It was pretty, but nothing like the one we saw over the ocean above.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high,

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

I am joining Susan @ A Southern Daydreamer for Outdoor Wednesday

Heidi @ Heart and Home for Wednesday Gratitude

Kathleen @ Faded Charm for White Wednesday

Please visit our wonderful hostesses!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

music by Harold Arlen and lyrics by E.Y. Harburg