So Raise Your Glass!

 

     When you write a blog, you have to really think about what you are going to post. How much is too much to share? Where do I draw the line between instructional and personal. Why do I write in the first place? Is to just show that I have a little skill with decorating and cooking or is it because I think that maybe, just maybe, if I am lucky...what I write might make a difference for someone. Maybe it is both and maybe that will happen today.

 

 

     My daughter got married a few days ago. It was a glorious day in Florida at the Disney Vero Beach Resort. The ocean is just behind the greenery in the picture above, it was 5:30 in the evening and the temperatures were in the high 70's. With the exception of becoming a mother, I have never been happier than I was that day. Actually, for several days!

 

  

     My daughter's bouquet was white hydrangea and white roses. The stems were wrapped in lace from my wedding veil and netting from my mother's wedding veil. A silver starfish was attached to the lace. Just before the ceremony we added a rhinestone brooch that belonged to my husband's mother, so she had a little bit of all of us with her. 

  

     There were 65 guests. When a wedding is that small, everyone there is very special to the couple. The weekend was full of happy tears. Instead of the Bridal March they entered to Bruno Mars, Marry You, After the ceremony,we had hors d'oeuvres and drinks out on the croquet lawn.

 

The colors were the colors of the water. 
Turquoise, sea foam and cobalt blue. 

 

 The tables were kept simple, 

 sea glass, candles and live white orchids. 

  

There were several little "pops" of color as you will soon see. 

 

     Disney did the cake and the cupcakes. We knew they were going to be wonderful but they were even better than we dreamed. 

 

     They used crushed graham crackers to look like sand. The cupcakes above were key lime with cream cheese frosting and white chocolate seashells.

 

     Vero Beach is known for turtle rescue. So of course there had to be a turtle cupcake. Chocolate, crushed pecans, caramel frosting and spun sugar "water" with chocolate turtles. The really nice thing is that everything tasted as good as it looked. We also had chocolate covered strawberries after dinner of mahi-mahi or filet. 

 

     My daughter's gown had a removable long skirt, so she could take it off and be in a cocktail length dress for dancing. I thought that was such a great design idea! I could stop writing now, and you would never know the "rest of the story". The traditional destination wedding you have been reading about wasn't all that traditional. We had laughed at how we never set out to be ground-breaking, but we were.

 

     You see, we had two brides. It was the first time for this Disney resort, although certainly not for Disney's other locations. The entire resort was involved and excited. I spoke with the General Manager a few days later and he said they really wanted to "get it right" and they certainly did. You see dealing with two brides is different. They both have their own ideas. My daughter was all about the beach, but my new daughter was all about rainbows. So, we had little pops of rainbow tucked in unexpected places. You saw the little rainbow treats on each table.

 

The cake surprised everyone! 

 

As the guests arrived they all got sunglasses. 

When the girls walked in, everyone had them on.

     The girls also both had on rainbow colored shoes.

 

 

 

     I feel so lucky to have another daughter and we couldn't love her more. You can see how excited she was coming down the aisle!

  

     The girls got through the ceremony, but their bridesmaids were all crying. You see, they love their friends and they know how happy they are. I had someone tell me that they were honored just to be a part of it. They exited to Sugarland's Stuck Like Glue!

 

     The bridesmaids and the brides came into the reception to Pink's Raise Your Glass and the party began. There was dancing, a photo booth and a few adult beverages! It was so much fun.

 

     So, while I know that some of you may find this hard to imagine, I had several people tell me how it was "just a wedding". In other words, it was the same as any traditional wedding. It was two people in love, surrounded by those who loved them. There were people there who had traveled their journey with them, friends from work, friends from home and family, all united in joy that these two incredible young women found each other.

     I don't like to draw attention, but someone told me that maybe this is my purpose. I hear stories of people who turn on their children when they find out they are gay and I just don't get it. My daughter was a little later than some to put the pieces together, so she certainly surprised us. I have to say that it made no difference in our feelings for her. There were things that concerned me about having a public wedding on Disney property. What if someone said something and hurt my child. It didn't happen. People were watching from the balconies, taking pictures and clapping. My daughter had her dream wedding and it was perfect. The world is changing and while I know that some may never agree with me, I truly feel that love is love and the change is for the better.

The "R" Word

     There is a word that seems to be coming up more frequently around my house...Retirement! Since moving here 10 years ago, I have struggled when I'm asked to check the box for 1) employed 2) unemployed 3) retired. I left my job when we moved here and after a few interviews, we decided that if I started over at a new job here, it would really mess things up for our family. My husband has more vacation time than we use, I wanted to be able to see my daughter first at college and then in Florida and I wanted to be available for my parents if they needed me...which at one point, they did for several months. I couldn't check the "retired" box, because I still feel as if I haven't had my last job and I don't feel old enough to be retired. Unemployed sounded as if I was looking but couldn't find a job. I have had no definition of myself for 10 years!

     My husband on the other hand has worked for the same company since he graduated from college. We change towns, he changes positions, but the company has remained the same (sort of, except it was bought out and the name changed). For him, that means 37 years of doing basically different aspects of the same job. When we were young he said he was going to retire at 55. Well, that didn't happen. We didn't even discuss it. At 25, we thought at 55 we would be debt free, own our home free and clear, have our retirement/vacation home purchased and paid for and so on. HaHa. Life happens and none of those things did!

     Now, he will be turning 60 in February. Many of the peers that he has worked with for decades have retired, are retiring  or are certainly thinking about it. We also have a child we never get to see. Most of you know that my daughter and I have the best relationship and plain and simple, we don't like seeing each other only a couple times of year. The fact that she is starting to talk about children makes me want to be closer to her even more. So, it comes up almost daily around here. My husband seems to be starting conversations with "when I retire..." and I seem to be starting conversations with "how are we going to..."? There is no official date set, but we know that it is coming and I am really struggling with the concept for various reasons, even though the result is exactly what I have wanted for years!

     Because I am a woman, I tend to associate events with the wardrobe that goes with them (did I lose you on the subject change...stay with me). When my grandparents retired (at 65), I had never seen my grandmother in a pair of pants. She wore skirts and blouses, hose and pumps...around the house, every day. Sadly, my grandmother died unexpectedly a few months after my grandfather retired and they never really lived their dream retirement, although my grandfather enjoyed 24 years of golf trips and travel.

My grandmother, a few days before she died.

She looks like my image of retirement.

     My parents retired at 61 and 63. Picturing my mother at the time of their retirement, it was culotte skirts to the knee with various blouses and t-shirts unless she was in a bathing suit. A successful career, some lucky real estate choices and smart planning let them live their dream on the water in Florida. My dad even got the yacht he had dreamed of. They had 20 great years filled with travel, friends and a life in paradise. Dad is still going strong 24 years after he retired. In fact, he was here last week...and drove about 3000 miles round trip. They loved retirement.

My dad, last week. At 87, he looks many years

younger than my grandmother did at 66.

     My in-laws retired a more "traditional" way. They downsized into a small house. They didn't do much traveling, but they stayed busy with church activities and my father-in-law's love of buying and selling antiques. They spent much more time at home in "their chairs" watching television and reading. I picture my mother-in-law in knit pants or jeans with a blouse and sweater. She got her hair done weekly and was active in her church circle. They were generous, but on a fixed income, their retirement was centered around their home. Again, a different kind of retirement, but they seemed content.

     So here we are. Talking about retirement. It looks like I will still be in my 50's and still paying on some college expenses of my kid's. I listen to Top 40 music and my wardrobe of choice is jeans and flip-flops. Unlike my father, who retired from the same company my husband works for, we don't get our insurance free after retirement. We will be paying around $700 a month for several years. Unlike the generations before us, our savings will not be making that 10% interest we were led to believe it would. I remember my mom saying once that their interest and dividends was their "fun money". Well at today's interest rates, fun might have to be redefined. There is no vacation home purchased and we will have to sell a house to buy one. The calculators we have started to play around with ask the question, "how long do you plan to live"? Seriously, are we supposed to have the answer to that?

     My husband seems to become more relaxed as he considers the fact that this event is on our horizon. I get more tense. I think of my grandmother dying so soon after retirement and that scares me. I think of the rest of our parents living so long (and how blessed we are that they did) that if we live that long we will be homeless and starving in our 80's. As we start to research and see the topics of long-term care insurance, when to take social security, tax rates on retirement income and the prices of financial planners...I am overwhelmed and confused. It all is very complicated and makes me feel so much older than I think I am. I swear what ages people after retirement is worrying about all the aspects of being retired!

     All I know is that what I still picture as retired people, isn't us. I still picture gray hair and skirts, rocking chairs and constant talk about medical problems and living on a fixed income. Then I look around at my friends who have done it. I see healthy couples on long bike trips, hiking, traveling, volunteering, starting new businesses, going back to school and having fun together. I don't see anyone sitting in a rocking chair or standing on a street corner asking for food. So, maybe it can be done. Flip-flops, blue jeans, rock & roll and all.

     I am accepting any and all advice from those of you who have done it!