Every Excuse In the Book (Part 1)

      It is impossible at my age. I take a medication that prevents it. Menopause. I don't have time for that. I travel too much. For my age, I'm not that bad. I'll do it Monday. Do any of those statements sound familiar? I'm sure I could probably come up with more thoughts that went through my head over the past few years as I have gradually watched my pants get tighter and the 10 pounds I wanted to lose, creep up to a bit more than that. The real truth is, I like interesting food, restaurants and cooking; I hate exercise and the past few years have been very stressful for me. When I get stressed, I bake...and I'm a damned good cook when I want to be and somebody has to eat it!

      We all know “those” people. They might be our sisters, our co-workers or our Facebook friends. They talk or post pictures and information about how they just love to eat nothing but salads, they don't mind drinking a meal or two a day and they think exercise is the most fun thing in the world. They carry their salad dressing out to eat, always order a baked potato dry (if they haven't given up carbs all together) and say they will NEVER have sugar, soda, chocolate, bread, carbs, coffee, dessert, breakfast, whatever...ever again in their lifetime. They are so happy eating nothing and doing constant cardio, weights, 5K's, marathons...and so on. More power to them. I'm not one of them, so if you want that kind of blog post, stop reading now.

      I have to have breakfast, lunch and dinner along with a couple snacks and dessert. If I travel, I'm going to have the regional foods that I love and while I do love a walk on the beach, I truly hate exercise that makes me sweat. With that said, I thought I'd share a blog post or two about what my daughter and I have been doing the past 5 months. She has had numerous people ask her what she has changed in her life and I have actually had a couple people question me too. So, since this started out as a Mother-Daughter blog, we are going to tell this story together. This isn't really a weight loss story, it is a feel better story and we are still works in progress. We also aren't experts at all and wouldn't begin to tell anyone else what to do, I just thought that I'd share a few of the things that have helped us start to take better care of ourselves and survive (and thrive) the past 5 months doing it!

      A little background information as to what made us decide over Christmas that we needed to make a few changes. We are coming at this from 2 different ages, 30 years apart and 2 different body types. My daughter is about 5'3” and works at a place where every meeting, event, gift from her co-workers and social outing included food and drinks. When you throw in every possible restaurant you can imagine and a kid who loves to cook like her mother...6 years in Orlando and she had gained enough weight to feel unhealthy, not fit into her clothes and to be really unhappy with her reflection in the mirror. As her mother, I was worried about her health and I knew that while everything in her life was going really well, she still wasn't happy because she wasn't comfortable in her own skin.
 

     I have an entirely different body type and history. I'm 5'7” and over the past 10 years, the combination of empty-nest, travel and eating out and various stressful situations had made me eat too much and move too little. My clothes were too tight and I was a heartbeat from buying the next size. For the first time in my life my BMI was out of the healthy range and into overweight and I had my first experience with “muffin top” and I didn't like it. I didn't feel like myself anymore and while I have little control over some of the issues in my life...this one was all my fault.

     Over the holidays, my daughter and I decided that we were going to do something and we were going to do it together. We decided to approach this differently than the times we had tried and quit after 2 weeks. This wasn't going to be a diet. We weren't going to set crazy goals or promise to never eat a specific food again. We weren't going to trade meals for protein shakes or take 50 supplements daily. We were going to make realistic changes and have realistic goals. We decided never to think, “I can't have...” but to sometimes think “I choose not to have...” and also to sometimes decide that maybe a piece of pizza or two was just worth it!

     My goals were simple. I wanted all of my pants to fit AND not leave deep ruts in my stomach by the end of the day. I wanted my BMI to be back in the healthy range again and I wanted to help my daughter look and feel good about herself. I had no goals that involved numbers...no pounds, no sizes, just to get healthy again.

     From my daughter: My original goal was to lose 60 pounds, look great for the wedding and not feel like an old person already.

     We started this at the beginning of the year and my daughter has lost 40 pounds so far and gone down 3 sizes to single digits. Her BMI has gone from being in a really bad place to almost in the healthy range and she is having a great time buying the cutest clothes and feeling happier and healthier. She still has a little way to go, but not much and has become a person who actually loves exercise.

     As for me, my BMI is back to being very healthy, my clothes are a size or 2 smaller than they were and the biggest bonus for me is that my migraine headaches are almost gone. I am not sure why, but something that I changed, changed my headaches. That alone was worth what we have been doing.

     So, if you have read this far...you may want to know some of the changes we made and some of the things that have helped us make changes that after the first few weeks we barely noticed anymore, the changes became our normal way of life and we aren't doing without anything we really want. Check out your BMI (Body Mass Index) here.

 

My daughter a few days ago.

 

 

Part 2-Tomorrow

Zoe was a very sick girl...

 

     That slow, organized week that I had hoped for...just hasn't happened yet. I wanted to share this information about our Zoe, because it was completely unexpected and could happen to any of you who own dogs.

 

     Zoe is now almost 19 months old. Late Monday afternoon we took her in for her yearly shots for Rabies, DHLPP and Bordetella. We brought her home and she was just fine. She ate her dinner, played with her toys and had her normal evening routine. We put her in her bed about 11:00 p.m. and I did notice that she was a bit restless, but we thought she was probably just sore from the injections.

 

     Our morning routine is that my husband brings her into me at 6:00 and she curls up on the throw next to me and we go back to sleep until 7 (well, she does). Yesterday, he brought her in and she slept a while then sat up quickly and started to throw up. I got her outside, my husband took over and she was sick a few more times even though she hadn't eaten anything. By the time I got out of the shower and came in the living room, she was completely covered with huge red spots...everywhere. We immediately called the vet and were told to bring her in. In the car we literally watched as her face was swelling. By the time we got to the vet, her face was so swollen it had that round, puppy look again and her eyes were just slits. I was seriously worried that her throat was going to close off and we would lose her. This was all happening at 7:30 yesterday morning, more than 14 hours after the shots.

 

     The vet gave her a steroid injection and Benadryl. He also kept her, saying they had to get this reversed quickly. We were told to call at 3 and see how she was doing. By the time I called, she was better and able to come home. Her face was normal, her spots were mostly gone except for those around her neck and other than being a bit slow and tired from the Benadryl, she seemed to be almost normal. She was very thirsty and steroid shots make them lose a bit of bladder control, but that will pass in a day or two.

 

     This was truly a frightening experience because it was all happening so quickly. It is possible for a dog's (or human's) windpipe to close from the swelling, so if this had happened while we were sleeping...the outcome could have been tragic. Our vet said that it is unusual for a dog to have a delayed reaction like this, but a friend told me it happened to her dog the day after shots as well...so, it happens. It obviously also happens to dogs who had no reaction in the past since Zoe had the same shots last year and did just fine.

 

     She is still a bit "off" today, but has had a dose of Benadryl and seems distressed to be "leaking" a bit as she is housebroken and you can tell she is confused about that part. I'm keeping her either on my lap or in her kennel to protect the house and just to baby her a bit. She doesn't mind the extra TLC at all!  There are things they can give a dog to prevent this from happening again and we will certainly be taking care next year to protect her. I thought it was worth sharing as so many blog readers are dog owners.

 

     We are waiting for a storm system to come through later today. They have mentioned everything from hail, tornados, lots of rain, snow and dangerous winds. I hate storms, I get really scared, so I'm on high alert!!

 

Going Out on a Limb...

 

     My first semester of college, I was 17 and very naïve. I made friends with girls who lived on my dorm floor, we ate together, we traded clothes, we went to school events…and sometime in those first few months I realized that several of these girls were gay and while I found it curious, they were my friends and it really didn’t affect me. My parents moved me to another dorm as they were afraid for me. I couldn’t convince my mother that even though I wasn’t experienced, I knew I wasn’t gay and living with gay girls couldn’t change that. My friends were not a threat to me, or to anyone else. That was in the dark ages of the 70’s.

     Fast forward many years and my family met several gay people. We had a few friends who had children older than mine that were realizing that they had a gay child. These were kids that we knew, that often were babysitters for my kids, children that our family loved. My feelings for these kids did not change one bit and their parents were accepting and loving as they had always been to their children. In the years since, we met other gay couples, both men and women, who were kind, loving, religious, wonderful people. Each and every one of the people I am telling you about is in a long-term committed relationship that has lasted years. Some of them are parents of beautiful children and they are all very successful in their lives. Simply put, they are just like everyone else.

     My children were raised to accept everyone. They watched the example we set in our home. They never once heard a gay slur or racial comment in our house. Are we perfect? No. Do I stereotype on occasion, sure I do. However, I try very hard not to judge others…particularly based on things that are simply who they are.

     I had no idea how these experiences would one day become very important in my own life. My daughter, who seriously considered becoming a minister, was the youngest elder ever to be ordained into our church, who played with dolls, had serious crushes on boys all through high school, was number one in her class in high school and the top of her class in college, loved rhinestones on her jeans and all things girly (okay-she did like to play detective/policeman as a child), came to us at the beginning of her sophomore year of college and told us she was gay. She had not had a serious relationship with anyone at the time, male or female, which is how I know for sure that this is something you are born with, it is not chosen. She came to us almost immediately as soon as she put it all together herself. She came to us, because she knew that it would be okay. That we would love her, accept her and welcome whoever she happened to fall in love with into our family.

     Did I have a “moment”? Of course I did. I didn’t see it coming and it really didn’t “fit” for me at first. I laugh now when I think that my first thought was that she didn’t “seem” gay. I now realize that there all sorts of gay people just like there are all sorts of straight people. I worried, and still do, that people judge my wonderful daughter without knowing her. I also live in a very conservative community and I knew immediately that she could never live here. She is one of the lucky ones. She never struggled, she never faced adversity from her peers or at work…she is blissfully happy, successful and has many friends who are married and straight, gay and in relationships and they all hang out together. She lives in a community that is supportive and welcoming as is her workplace.

     So why am I talking about this now? Unless you have been hiding under a rock, you must know that this week has been very important for the gay community. The Supreme Court is making some decisions that will affect the lives of 10% of the American population (that is the recorded estimate-it may be higher), including my daughter. If you actually know me, you would know that I would be fighting for this regardless of my daughter, but I feel more strongly than ever that all people are entitled to equality and civil rights.

     My daughter is engaged and getting married next year. Her partner of 3 years is a wonderful girl who we love like another daughter. Is it a little weird for us? Of course it is. When I asked my daughter how this wedding thing worked, she said she didn’t know…she had never been to a same-sex wedding either! So, we went on Amazon and bought a book. I still have a bit of trouble switching my brain from being fine with a Civil Union to accepting the term marriage. I have thought of marriage one way all my life, but that doesn't mean I’m not coming around…as are so many others. Do I love the person she has chosen to live her life with, I do. She could have brought home a young man that I hated or that treated her badly (or that wouldn’t get a job), so the fact that she brought home a caring, loving, ambitious, successful and pretty young woman makes life a bit interesting, but it certainly doesn’t change my love for my child or my joy at her happiness.

     It is important for my daughter and others like her to have the same rights as we all do. I am grateful for those that fought for women’s rights. I am grateful for those that fought for rights for African Americans and that certainly didn’t affect me, but I’m glad for them. I want my daughter’s children to be able to get Social Security if she or her partner should die. I want them to be able to file a joint tax return. I want them to get survivor benefits in their old age and not have to pay estate taxes if they inherit their spouse’s estate. We are obviously going to have same-sex marriage in this country, so marriage should be marriage and equal in every way.

     I am not trying to change anyone’s mind by this. I may lose followers because of my honesty. I don't often use my blog to speak on something political, but I think sometimes it is important to put a real face on an issue and it just felt like the right time to do so. Everyone is entitled to have their own opinion. It is your civil right. I struggle with those who use The Bible to judge others. There are many things in The Bible that are no longer true in today’s world. We can’t pick and choose how we follow The Book, picking the things we agree with and ignoring the things we don't. I do know that the gay people I know are very devout in their religious beliefs. Life is short. Judging others is a waste of time and not a Christian way to live. You just never know who you might be hurting with your words.

     We were a normal, conservative, family, living in the Midwest with church on Sunday, a dog, summer vacations and kids going to camp. If this is part of my family’s experience, it could easily be your child, your nephew, your grandchild, your neighbor and my only hope is that you consider if your child would feel as confident coming to you with the information as mine did and if what you would want for them, is simply for them to be happy in their lives.

     I am open to all opinions and discussion in the comments as long as they are not hateful to anyone.

Prayers for Luke

 

 

     This will be a different blog post than usual. You see, there is something more important going on than anything I could write about food, flowers or decor. That sweet little boy in the picture above, he is very sick and because I believe in the power of prayer...I want to share a little of his story with you.

 

     Luke is the son of close friends of ours. His dad works with my husband. He started kindergarten this year and he loves baseball, Hot Wheel cars and his brother and sister. Around two years ago, his parents were blindsided when what they thought was a playground injury turned out to be leukemia. I can't begin to tell you what they went through for those first months. Weeks in the hospital in St. Louis (about 100 miles from us) followed by daily trips back and forth after he was released. Many trips to the ER, horrible sickness from the chemo and the tests all while his mom was nursing their youngest child and his older brother was in the first grade. It was worth it all, the leukemia went into remission and for the last year he has taken maintenance chemo by mouth and had monthly trips to St. Louis. While there were still a few bumps along the way from reactions to testing or his weakened immune system, he has been a healthy, happy little boy for a year.

 

     Last week, this young family was stunned once again. Luke's routine monthly checkup showed the leukemia was back. His spinal fluid is 95 percent leukemia cells and it is also in his bone marrow. The picture above was taken this past Sunday...you would never guess he is a sick child by looking at him. His older brother's coach arranged for him to get to play on the team for a game, which was a dream come true for him. His two-year-old sister and his brother (a third grader) have both been tested for a bone marrow transplant. The results will take two weeks to get back. Yesterday, he started agressive chemo and his family is facing driving to St. Louis every other day until December, with a few days spent in the hospital there. If all goes as planned and one of the children is a match, the transplant process will begin in December with Luke and his mom staying in the hospital for 100 days and then in St. Louis for another 100 days. Christmas will be spent in the hospital, mom will be away from her other children for 7 months, dad will be working full time and taking care of two small children and the things that Luke will have to endure are just too painful to write about.

 

     They are an amazing family. They have a strong faith and support from family and friends. They have used the past "healthy" year to raise awareness and funds for research for childhood cancers. They give of themselves to others and they have been through more than any family that I have ever known. As I discovered "the plan" for their next year...I was simply overwhelmed by what they have to face and yet when we visited with Luke's dad on Sunday, he was ready to do whatever he had to do to save his child and he was already talking about how they planned to give back once Luke is well. I am old enough to be their parent, but they seem so much wiser and stronger than I will ever be.

 

     There is so little that we can do as their friends. A plan for taking meals is in place. (Have you seen Mealtrain.com-fabulous for things like this). They have volunteers for babysitting and Luke's dad has been told he can work some days from home. Mostly, what they ask for is prayer. Right now, the prayer is that one of the siblings is a match. This is the best possible thing that could happen for Luke.

 

     Because blogging is my way of reaching many people, I ask for your help. I ask that you pray for our friends and for Luke if that is what you believe in. If not, I ask that you just send good thoughts and positive energy their way. I ask that you consider signing up to be on the bone marrow donor list, because I know this would be something our friends would want others to consider. If this touches you in a way that you would like to do more for this family, send me a message and I will tell you how you can do that.

 

     Last week was one of those that was extremely painful for all of us who love this family. It was so unexpected and it made us all feel so helpless. It also made me very aware that anything in my life that I've been complaining about...is nothing. So, if you are so inclined...please take just a moment to add this sweet child and his family to your prayers today. Thank you.